baths are relaxing arent they

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:14 am

"Fuck off!" cried Tomoko in sheer desperation as she realized Oaky had written four consecutive posts.

'why are you so mean,' she began to write, when Bibi Netanyahu burst into her bathroom with a Rafael-made Goliath's Club(tm) sledgehammer and reminded her of the dangers of American decadence. In her shock, she dropped her laptop into her amoeba-infested water and electrocuted herself.
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:17 am

Now Tomoko was mad.

"Nobody talks shit about Bibi in a story; especially not some dirty stinkin goyim!" she shouted in her empty trailer. Preparing to exact revenge, she stood up in her bathtub and began her long trek to the west coast while holding her tub up like a cartoon character.

Though she managed to reach the Arizonan border, she suddenly evaporated due to the relativistic effects of day light savings time.
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by roomo on Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:18 am

i like the meta

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:22 am

i should have alternated between "tomoko" and "amsk8r"
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by roomo on Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:28 am

oh god imagine a room full of tomokos and ams

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by Sexy Salamander wants ass on Sun Apr 05, 2015 3:02 am

tomoko please send me nudes im serious you are making me depressed

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by quality on Sun Apr 05, 2015 7:12 am

lol what the fuck happened here

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by jewmoko on Sun Apr 05, 2015 8:45 am

none of that happened to me, and im not butthurt

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 10:19 am

"I'm not mad..." Tomoko whispered to herself as she read all of Oaky's rich posts. She began to say it again - "I-I'm... not...."

"MAD!" she shouted with gusto, throwing her laptop against the wall and shattering it with the herculean strength of a thousand Spinnythingses. Leaping into the air from fright as she heard the horrible sounds of broken plastic, she let loose into the air a fine foam of stagnant bath water (which was now hours old and beginning to congeal into a solid substance); bolting out the bathroom door.

Unfortunately, she forgot that she had converted her apartment flat into a bathroom for the night, and was arrested outside by the peacekeeping boys in uniform.
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 10:24 am

"These are fuckin' great," said resident bench-pressing, 6' 3" champion Oaky McSmokey Skiddly Doo as he reviewed his work.

RTCity fainted at the sight of his latest tall Tomoko tale, and Spinnythings' mom found it strange that her son needed a new replacement screen for his Toughbook.

As he skimmed over his stories, he repeated, "a true god-damn masterpiece," and was, of course, correct. No man had ever written short stories as well as Oaky.
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by jewmoko on Sun Apr 05, 2015 11:13 am

stop it

i am not mad and im not in the tub anymore

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 11:45 am

"Stop it! God damn it, stop it, you fucking goyim," Tomoko shouted at her dirty, crusty Toshiba laptop. As she typed out a scathing diatribe on her Tumblr blog about the impure, white, heterosexual male writing stories about her, bits of calcification flew about and a piece hit her in her face.

"What the FUCK?!" she wailed, throwing her arms about violently. After cleaning her keyboard, she finished her post and returned to the Tomoquo to find yet ANOTHER post describing exactly what she had just done.

"How does this disgusting non-Jew know what I'm doing?" she wondered; glancing every now and then at her window to make sure nobody was watching. Seeing a man walk by her window, she pissed herself in terror.

"Fuck me!" she cried, noting her bittersweet victory of being born part of God's chosen people (whose superior bodies knew to excrete the wastes of the urinary system as soon as possible).

"Oh, and I'm not in the fucking tub," she said, stepping out of the now-drained bathtub. She thought about changing out of her clothes, but decided against it.
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 11:52 am

Tomoko's eyes literally lit up as a pop-up illuminated her laptop screen.

"New PM from quality!" it read. Tomoko was excited - she knew it was confirmation that her best friend RTCity would be rooming with her for the next six months.

She could hardly hold her excitement as a 5'3" black male stepped into her door. Normally, Tomoko would have already shot the filthy intruder with her father's IMI TAR-21 bullpup rifle, but she had already prepared herself for his arrival.

"You're HERE!!" she exclaimed; unable to control herself as she ran up and hugged the first male she had ever touched. Miles away, Diseased suddenly felt angry, but he couldn't figure out why and went back to eating his McDonalds meal.
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:00 pm

"What the fuck are you d-doing, n-n-nerd?" choked out RTCity as he tried to remember what amsk8r or Oaky would have said in the same situation. Tomoko was carefully arranging strips of arugala with one hand while draining the blood of a pig with the other.

"It's a Jewish tradition," Tomoko began; slicing away a strip of pig fat and wrapping arugala around it. "Anyway, I have to, like, make a test for the freshmen undergrads at my college; you want to help? Autistic kids are good at math, right?"

"Talk shit, get hit, bitch!" RT shouted; slapping a bitch like a true pimp. Tomoko recoiled as she felt the calloused hands of a working man impact her nasty face, then sat down at her dining table as if nothing had happened. Chris felt proud for putting a woman in her place.

"So, what's the math?" he inquired; staring at a mess of numbers and Greek symbols. "Oh, that's, uh... '5x^4-y^2+5xz^y dxdydz', that's impossible. You don't know what d is," he started.

Tomoko giggled to herself as she and RTCity looked over the completed test. She knew that the goyims in the Algebra class wouldn't be able to read the test, which was partially written in Hebrew script, let alone solve it as it contained problems she struggled with in Calculus III and Differential Equations class.

That night, RTCity decided "fuck this, I'm out," and had his mom pick him up.
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:15 pm

"So, sweetie; did you have a fun time with your girlfriend?" RTCity's mom asked; accidentally turning into oncoming traffic as they exited McDonalds.

"I'm asexual, mom. I only like gryphons," RT whined.

"Oh, haha, of course you are, son. I love you," she replied, driving over the island and into the left lane. She nearly hit a Croatian man in a Cube, much to his chagrin.

"MOM!" shouted RTCity, who had just last night read the Colorado Driver's Manual and was watching his mother for driving mistakes.

"What, sweetie?" she asked; putting her hands back on the wheel and tossing her phone into the passenger seat.

"You didn't use your turn signals," he replied. RT casually glanced at the rear-view mirror on his side and gasped.

"What the FUCK!?" he shouted; scaring his mother and causing her to swerve into the right lane.

"Turn signals!!" RT screamed in a condescending tone. "But speed the fuck up!" he shouted as Tomoko sprinted towards the passenger window.
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:20 pm

"That's impossible," began Tomoko as she sat alone in her chair with no friends to laugh at the wacky stories Oaky was writing about her. "Nobody can run as fast as a car, not even the famed Jew Abraham."

Tomoko recalled that she was late to Sunday class, and rushed to school. Seeing a Belgian Malinois, however, she fled in fear from the Nazi canine.

Back at her house, she remembered that she was late to Sunday class, and rushed to school. Seeing the same Belgian Malinois, she fled in fear from the Nazi canine.

This time, Tomoko decided to stay home.

"They can't blame me for not being able to go to school," she panted - tired from the exercise that she was unaccustomed to. In a moment of weakness, she considered showering away the sweat and oil that had accumulated on her skin, but remembered that cleanliness was not kosher and returned to her bathtub to browse 4chan.
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by terrier on Sun Apr 05, 2015 1:10 pm

roomo wrote:oh god imagine a room full of tomokos and ams
that's horrifying
the ammys would be spouting nonstop bs about how capitalism is evil and communism is the supreme form of government
the tomokos would all sit in a corner with laptops and discuss complex math equations

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by jewmoko on Sun Apr 05, 2015 1:44 pm

shut up with these stories

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 3:01 pm

"Shut up with these fucking stories," infamous queer Shelley Goldstein protested. Oaky's writings had been a nuisance to her all day - he had written 12 stories thus far about her imaginary escapades, and it was getting on her nerves.

With salt pouring from every orifice, she turned up the volume on her favorite song, The Exodus Song (This Land Is Mine) and sang along; happily wishing death upon America. Suddenly, a campaign advertisement interrupted her listening pleasure as it began to loop for the nineteenth time.

Hearing the words "Franklin Delano Roosevelt" filled her with white-hot, Jewish fury - simply mentioning the greatest American president of all time was an insult to her superiority. She stormed out of her house, still inside of her bathtub, and went to the local DMV to complain to the only bureaucracy she knew about.

"I'd like to make a COMPLAINT, goyim!" she shouted; spraying spittle across the face of a disinterested Latino woman.

"Yeah, yeah; alright, I just need... uhh... to fill out this paper..." the woman said slowly, pulling out a sheet and activating the silent alarm. The sheet asked for a myriad of tidbits about the person registering the complaint, but as she reached the 'race' checkbox, she was horrified to find that it had already been marked 'White'.

"EXCUSE ME, filth! I am NOT white! I am an Ashkenazi JEW!" Tomoko screamed; erupting into a temper tantrum so violent that four upstanding American citizens were required to restrain her. By then, the armored boys in black had arrived, and Tomoko was arrested for the eleventh time in her life.

In his QLTY-class cruiser, emperor Spinnythings questioned his wavering influence in the world, and bitch-slapped Ava to reaffirm his place on the hierarchy of salt.
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by terrier on Sun Apr 05, 2015 3:30 pm

jewmoko wrote:shut up with these stories
you might as well stop replying to this thread since i'm fairly certain you can tell this isn't stopping for awhile

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by roomo on Sun Apr 05, 2015 4:17 pm

these are good

i'd be honored to have hatefics like these

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by quality on Sun Apr 05, 2015 4:48 pm

room i take it you've never seen a real hate fic before?

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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 5:36 pm

yeah what the fuck if i hated tomoko i wouldnt write stories about her

i didnt hate spinnythings when i wrote the QLTY story i was just giving him a hard time


Last edited by xx_gladhander-viagra on Sun Apr 05, 2015 5:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 5:36 pm

im done for now
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

Post by xx_gladhander-freedom on Sun Apr 05, 2015 5:43 pm

tomoko is an unamerican red though fuck amsk8r
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Re: baths are relaxing arent they

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